


In the A.M.

by McCrying



Category: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Angst, Death, Happy Ending, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, They have mobile phones, albus is having an existential crisis, hoohoo is there angst, muggle AU i guess??, no one dies, no suicide attempt, there is fluff at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 05:14:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10236650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McCrying/pseuds/McCrying
Summary: Albus ponders what it is to die and Scorpius refuses to leave his best friend alone.---“This is why I think you’d go to Heaven,” Albus whispered before hanging up the line.





	

**Author's Note:**

> There are mentions of suicide and death in this so please read at your own discretion.

“What do you think happens when we die?” Albus asked into the microphone of his mobile. He rolled over on his mattress to stare at his off-white ceiling. He could make out faint fingerprints scattered across the paint from the times he jumped to touch it as a child. He counted eight before a voice spoke from his phone.

“Are you okay, Albus?” his best friend’s quiet response filled the silence of Albus’ cold room. Albus sighed. Of course Scorpius would worry if that was the first thing he heard from Albus after he picked up. Of course he would worry if his best friend called him at three a.m. asking about life after death.

“Do you think there’s anything at all?” he continued, ignoring Scorpius’ question all together. It wasn’t something that he could answer truthfully anyway.  
“Or maybe there actually is a Heaven and Hell? Do you think we’d go to Hell, Scorpius? I don’t feel like I’d deserve to go to Heaven anyway, especially considering I don’t technically believe in a God. But even if our beliefs didn’t matter, I’d probably still go to Hell. I’ve hurt more people than I’ve helped.” Albus was rambling, he knew he was. He couldn’t bring himself to stop, though. His mind wasn’t very forgiving at this hour and he found that voicing his thoughts was calming.  
“You’d go to Heaven, Scorp.”

The silence that followed burned Albus’ ears. A small part of him knew that he shouldn’t dump all this on his best friend, especially when he probably woke him up with this pointless phone call. Scorpius probably wasn’t in the mood to have such a heavy conversation when he was half asleep. He was probably burdening him, causing him to panic.

Albus waited twelve seconds before Scorpius made a sound.  
“I’m coming over,” he huffed. Albus could hear bed sheets rustling over the line, followed by feet padding on a hard wood floor.

“No, don’t worry,” Albus began to protest. He didn’t want Scorpius to be out this late, especially for something as trivial as this. He voiced this to the other boy.

“It doesn’t matter,” Scorpius stated. “I’ll take Dad’s car, he won’t mind. I don’t want you to be alone.”

“This is why I think you’d go to Heaven,” Albus whispered before hanging up the line. He knew stopping his best friend was an impossible task, so he left him to drive, not wanting to distract him and cause an accident.

Albus fell back into his dark thoughts in the absence of Scorpius. He always pondered death. It’s meaning, why people were so upset by it. He was greedy. He wanted to know what happened. At times, it almost felt like a need to know. _Was it reincarnation? Was there complete nothingness?_ It left him curious and itching for answers. He would never kill himself. He may fantasize about dying but only at the hands of an external source; illness, death by accident. Never by his own hands. Not that he was afraid of dying, or that it would hurt his family – for he knew that he had already hurt them plenty – but that he was afraid of failing. He didn’t want people to think he was at risk of suicide and put him in a mental home. He wouldn’t be able to live with the shame of an attempt. Everyone would find out and he’d be a walking tragedy. He wouldn’t stand that.

_Ding._

The sound of his phone’s text tone pulled him from his spiralling thoughts. It was Scorpius, he was waiting outside. Albus almost unconsciously drifted from his bedroom, stumbling down the stairs, and opened the front door to reveal Scorpius.

Scorpius’ cheeks were flushed from the cold and his hair was a bird’s nest, sticking out in every direction and spilling over his forehead. He let himself in, passing Albus and making his way to the brunette’s room. Albus trailed behind, still somewhat dazed.

Upon entering his room, Albus saw that Scorpius had buried himself under his quilt, a faint shiver trembling over his body.

“I told you you shouldn’t have come,” Albus scolded. Scorpius sniffed.

“Shut up and get in,” he ordered, holding up the quilt for Albus to slide under. Cold arms immediately snaked around Albus’ waste and he felt Scorpius press his head between his shoulder blades.

“So,” Scorpius’ voice was muffled from Albus’ shirt, “tell me what all that death talk was about.”

Albus sighed. He knew that it would be difficult to explain his thoughts to Scorpius. The taller boy would only be concerned for his friend and would probably suggest therapy or something extreme like that. Albus decided it would be best to just ignore Scorpius and try to go to sleep. His thoughts were quieter when Scorpius was with him.

There was no analog clock anywhere in his house but Albus swore he could hear each second tick by as he laid in his best friend’s arms. He was hyperaware of Scorpius’ hot breath pooling across his back every six seconds and the way his lanky limbs entangled with Albus’ own made him extremely self-conscious. His heart was racing and Albus could only pray that Scorpius was asleep and not aware of the effect he was having on him.

“I didn’t drive out here at half past three in the morning just for you to ignore me, you know.”

So he wasn’t asleep. Albus whined in response, turning his face so that it was smothered by one of his pillows. His neck immediately began cramping but he refused to move.

“Albus, please,” Scorpius begged. His grip on Albus loosened slightly as he propped himself up on one elbow. Albus could feel Scorpius lean over him, attempting to see his face.

“It’s harder to talk about in person,” Albus muttered. He knew his entire head was red from embarrassment and he knew that Scorpius would notice. An eternity passed before he felt cool fingers brush against his exposed cheek. Another wave of blood rushed to Albus’ head and he almost thought he would pass out from pure embarrassment.

“You wouldn’t hurt yourself, would you, Albus,” Scorpius’ voice was soft. His hand stilled at Albus’ jaw as he gaged his friend’s reaction. Albus huffed and flipped himself onto his back, making eye contact with a startled Scorpius.

“No,” Albus blushed at the obvious whimper in his voice. “Sometimes I just get curious, you know?” Scorpius stared at him, urging him to continue. Albus covered his face with his hands.

“So many people die each day and we don’t know what happens to them. Where do they go? Do they even go anywhere?” The words were a tsunami from his lips but he knew he couldn’t stop them now.  
“Do dead people remember what it’s like to be alive? Do they remember the people who they spent their lives with? Do they forget everything? Is that why old people get Alzheimer’s? Is it just them beginning to die and forget what living is like? What about babies? Unborn babies? Would they go to Heaven of Hell if they haven’t got anything to be judged by yet? What about animals?”

Albus was close to tears and he didn’t know why. He was so confused. He felt surreal, almost as though the line between life and death was beginning to blur. Scorpius hadn’t said anything for the entirety of his outbreak. He didn’t say anything after he finished either.

Albus’ breathing was erratic. He knew he was on the verge of a panic attack. He was embarrassed at his lack of composure, especially in front of his always calm best friend. He felt his sweaty hands be removed from his face. Scorpius’ grey eyes were piercing. Albus saw Scorpius scan his face, obviously not missing the tremble in his lips and the tears welling at the sides of his eyes.

“Maybe that’s the beauty in it,” Scorpius spoke, his voice smooth. Albus stared at Scorpius. “Maybe not knowing what happens allows us to make up our own stories. We can find comfort in believing our loved ones go to Heaven and those who hurt us go to Hell. We can feel content at the thought that our family’s souls are sent to bless another family. Or maybe people find relief that they can forget their worries and finally rest when it’s their time.”

Albus was definitely crying now. Big, fat, ugly tears spilled from his eyes, gravity forcing them to trail down his temples and spatter onto his pillow. Scorpius reached his hands up to wipe at the side of Albus’ head, rubbing the trail marks of his tears away.

“I know you want facts,” he continued to murmur, not breaking eye contact with Albus, “but don’t you think not knowing gives you more purpose to live? What if we live only to learn what happens when we die? Wouldn’t it be more romantic for it to happen naturally, when the universe has decided it’s time for us to pass up our place for another?”

Albus couldn’t really make sense of Scorpius’ words but he didn’t really care. He was grateful for Scorpius’ presence. He couldn’t help but wrap his arms around the other boy and pull him down so that he was fully on top of himself. He nuzzled his face into Scorpius’ chest. Scorpius’ weight on his body made it hard to breath but Albus didn’t mind.

“Thank you, Scorp,” he whispered. He wasn’t sure if Scorpius could hear him but that didn’t make him stop.  
“You don’t know how much that means to me. How much you mean to me.”

Scorpius lifted himself from Albus and stared down at him. A warm smile spread across his face as he admired the absolute human wreck underneath him. Albus’ eyes were red and he had a trail of snot running from one of his nostrils. Scorpius pressed a gentle kiss to Albus’ clammy forehead. Then one to each of his temples, which were still slightly sticky from his tears.

“I love you,” he whispered. He rolled off of Albus to lay on his side next to him, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy.

“I love you too.”

Albus may not know what happens after death and he won’t know until he dies. Although he does know, for certain, that he wanted to spend every second of the remainder of his life, however long that may be, with the boy lying beside him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> hoohoo i usually write pure fluff so idk what happened here  
> but i love the whole calling someone when ur sad and they come over immediately ??? like ?? i need this ?? ?  
> also did i just write something with a plot (even though it's completely unoriginal) ?!? ? no way?!!?? i didn't know i had it in me
> 
> also the ending is meant to be gay okay i ship these two as a romantic couple. the reason why i always bring up the best friend title is because i live for lovers calling each other best friends okay. and i didn't specify that they're boyfriends but i felt like it didn't suit the story idk i'll shut up now.


End file.
